Tag Archive for Craigslist

The Trials Of Greenlee Smythe

As we all know, Craigslist is a great source for cheap entertainment.  One of my dirty little habits is posting strange personal ads and seeing what kind of responses I get from all of the loving women on the internet.  From time to time you meet some cool down to earth people but other times you get responses from Greenlee Smythe.  Greenlee is old, stupid, bigoted and did I miss incredibly stupid.

From: Greenlee Smythe
Sent: Thursday, August 05, 2010 9:29 PM
I do have to say this AD YOU ARE POSTING ON CRAIGSLIST… IS GETTING OLD…. will you PLEASE STOP PUTTING THIS CRAP ON HERE… NO WOMEN IS INTERESTED IN YOUR ABUSIVE BEHAVIOR, AND WHAT YOU WANT TO DO TO A WOMEN… IF YOU HAVE NOT REALIZED BY NOW.. US WOMEN NOW DAYS….WANT A MAN THAT IS LOVING, CARING, COMPATIBLE, AND UNDERSTANDING, ALONG WITH THE OTHER PERKS… NOW FOR YOU. YOU DON’T SEEM TO HAVE THESE QUALITIES IN YOU, YOU JUST WANT TO STRANGLE SOME WOMEN, rough treatment and being treated like a whore. AND YOU  like things to be very degrading and am very aggressive physically AND MENTALLY??

SO TO BE HONEST AGAIN. US WOMEN DON’T LIKE TO BE TREATED THIS WAY.. AND YOUR AD IS GETTING FREAKIN OLD AND SICKENING… I HAVE TURNED YOUR AD INTO
NOVATO POLICE DEPT. TWICE TO A FEW OF THE PEOPLE I KNOW THERE AND THEY ARE INVESTIGATING YOUR AD, ALONG WITH FLAGGING IT ON CRAIGSLIST, AND EMAILING IT TO THEM…. SO GROW UP. GET YOURSELF A LIFE AND MOVE ON TO BIGGER AND BETTER THINGS.. you need a new life style.,., and if you think about it, this is why no one wants to answer your AD… SO GIVE UP AND BE A REAL MAN…

THANK YOU…

On Fri, Aug 6, 2010 at 10:45 AM, James wrote:

I’m glad that I’ve finally found someone who has the knowledge to speak for every woman out there since I know every girl sees the world exactly like you.  I hate to tell you this, I post my ad because it gets responses from women who need someone to talk with about sides of their sexuality that people like you would be appalled with.  I have a novel idea for you, if you don’t like an ad skip over it dummy.  Don’t try to lecture me about understanding when it’s obvious that you really have no idea or would even attempt to know anything about the darker side of a person’s personality.  Your whole response wreaks of judgment and insecurity about your own inability to identify with someone of the opposite sex.  Why would you see my ad all the time if you had a man who respected you?  You see men don’t respect you because you’re a judgmental bitch who thinks that she’s smarter and better than she actually is.

Let me give you an example of how much of a dullard you really are:  Lets pretend I’m as horrible as you think I am.  Why on earth would you be telling me about an ongoing police investigation into me?  That’s pure grade A stupid.  Not only would I now know that someone’s looking into what I do,  it would obstruct a police investigation which, by the way, is illegal.  How retarded do you have to be to warn someone who you perceive as sickening about an investigation?  If you were smart, you’d send me an email pretending to be a girl that I would be interested in so you could gather information about me but hey, you and I both know that you lack the intelligence to even pretend you could be what a guy wants.

Judging by your typing, close mindedness and sense of entitlement, I’m going to have to conclude that you are a sheltered older woman who considers herself a do-gooder but since she completely sheltered and ignorant, doesn’t have a firm grip on reality.  I could be wrong and you might just be hypersensitive to my ad because something happened to you when you were younger that you’ve repressed and haven’t bothered to really deal with.  If you want men to like you try shifting your mindset from one of a dunce to a strong woman with something to offer a guy.  You have inspired me to put a disclaimer on my ad about the subject content as well as some common sense tips about meeting men on the internet.

Toodles

From: Greenlee Smythe
Sent: Friday, August 06, 2010 1:45 PM

I HATE TO TELL YOU THIS DUMB SHIT ASSHOLE… BUT I AM SMARTER THAN YOU THINK… OK… I DON’T LIVE A SHELTER LIFE. I HAVE AN EXCITING LIFE AND A LOT TO OFFER A MAN… AND THAT IS NO PROBLEM THERE… SO YOU CAN THINK OR SAY WHAT YOU WANT… I JUST DON’T LIKE SEEING YOUR STUPID ASS POST ON CRAIGSLIST IT’S DEGRADING AND DISGUSTING, AND I HATE SEEN WOMEN GET ABUSED, IF YOU HAVE NOT NOTICE THAT DOES HAPPEN QUIT A BIT.  YOUR JUST ANOTHER ASSHOLE OUT THERE THAT LIKES TO PROBABLY BEAT UP ON WOMEN AND YOU DON’T HAVE A BRAIN.  PROBABLY NO MENTALLY LEVEL OF LIFE EITHER.

SO REALLY GET A CLUE, SO JUDGE A PERSON UNTIL YOU MEET THEM.. AND READING YOUR EMAIL TELLS ME A LOT THAT YOUR AN ASSHOLE, SELF CENTERED MALE CHAUVINIST PIG.  AND PERSONALLY YOU WOULD NOT WANT TO ME, BECAUSE I WOULD MAKE YOUR HEAD SPIN AND SLAP YOU SO HARD AND MAKE YOU GET A GRIP ON LIFE… I AM AN OLDER WOMAN, YOUR RIGHT…BUT VERY SMART AND INTELLIGENT, I HAVE HAD MY SHARE OF MEN AND PUT THEM IN THERE PLACE, ALSO SET THEM UP IN TRAPS AND BUSTED THERE ASS…. SO DON’T TELL ME WHAT I AM.  AND FOR YOUR INFO, A FEW OTHER WOMEN THAT I HAVE TOLD TO ABOUT YOUR STUPID AD, SAID “WHAT A LOW LIFE PIG THIS GUY IS…” HE NEEDS TO GET A LIFE AND GROW UP… SO DON’T BE SURPRISED IF YOU GET MORE NOT SO NICE EMAILS….. SO GOOD LUCK DUDE IF YOU THINK YOUR ALL THAT, BUT YOUR NOT…..

On Fri, Aug 6, 2010 at 2:49 PM, James wrote:

I like the emails you send to me but I do have one piece of advice for when you compose these works of art that you send me; do a little proof reading before you send them to me.  I’ll show you exactly what I mean by using your own incoherent babbling:

“BUT I AM SMARTER THAN YOU THINK… OK… I DON’T LIVE A SHELTER LIFE” This should be corrected to a sheltered life.

“I JUST DON’T LIKE SEEING YOUR STUPID ASS POST ON CRAIGSLIST” Did you try not clicking the ad?  It’s really very simple; you see the title and just go on by without opening it.

“AND I HATE SEEN WOMEN GET ABUSED” It should be seeing dope.

“YOUR JUST ANOTHER ASSHOLE OUT THERE THAT LIKES TO PROBABLY BEAT UP ON WOMEN AND YOU DON’T HAVE A BRAIN.”  Now this is a tricky one.  You need to change your to you’re. Also, saying I probably like to beat up on women suggests you really have no idea of what I do, for if you did, you wouldn’t have used the word “probably” which shows that you’re just assuming something but aren’t really sure about what you’re saying.  Lastly, my small meager brain sure seems to be able to pick apart your stupidity and lack of intelligent thought quite well.

Now let’s move onto your second paragraph.

“SO REALLY GET A CLUE, SO JUDGE A PERSON UNTIL YOU MEET THEM” Alright, I will absolutely judge you before I meet you just like you’ve judged me.  Did you mean don’t judge someone before you meet them?  If so, you should try following your own advice.

“AND READING YOUR EMAIL TELLS ME A LOT THAT YOUR AN ASSHOLE, SELF CENTERED MALE CHAUVINIST PIG. “  This should be changed to: “And by reading your email, I can tell that YOU’RE(way to mess it up again) an asshole as well as a self centered male chauvinist pig.”

“AND PERSONALLY YOU WOULD NOT WANT TO ME, BECAUSE I WOULD MAKE YOUR HEAD SPIN AND SLAP YOU SO HARD AND MAKE YOU GET A GRIP ON LIFE”  Can we stop starting our sentences with and already?  Now I’m not sure if you know anything about domestic abuse but a woman who uses violence against a man in a relationship is just as much of an abuser as a man who does the same.  Basically what I’m explaining to you is not only threatening someone incredibly stupid and in some cases illegal, it also proves to me that you are a complete hypocrite.  You are saying you think it’s ok to violently force someone to think the way you do.  You are a very abusive person and that makes me a sad panda.

“I HAVE HAD MY SHARE OF MEN AND PUT THEM IN THERE PLACE, ALSO SET THEM UP IN TRAPS AND BUSTED THERE ASS”  See there you go, admitting you are exactly what you hate, an abusive partner.  You should take some anger management classes before someone reports you to the police for your abusive nature.

“AND FOR YOUR INFO, A FEW OTHER WOMEN THAT I HAVE TOLD TO ABOUT YOUR STUPID AD”  Thank you for showing other women my ad.  I’m glad you’ve thought it as something worthy to share with your friends and are drawing more women’s attention to it.

“SO GOOD LUCK DUDE IF YOU THINK YOUR ALL THAT” I’ve never said I was all that, I simply stated that you’re a closed minded, ignorant, hypocritical dullard who should be ashamed of herself for supporting nonconsensual abusive relationships.

Now I know that I’m not perfect by any means nor am I the most intelligent person in the world(that’s Steven Hawking) but I do know that you’ve already proven every point I’ve made about you and have discredited your own arguments in a way that I never could.  While I’m not very certain why you’re so stupid, it could be contributed to lead paint or my personal favorite that you were born with a water head, I can absolutely ascertain that you do suffer from some kind of mental impairment.  I hope for the world’s sake that you never have children so the rest of the world can be saved from the defective genes of your offspring.

Love you Sweetums

McFletch Needs A Roommate

The Lone Wolf is looking for a roommate. This is the real ad he posted on craigslist…. be warned, it’s gets better the more you read it.

$700 Room NOW for rent in sweet condo with awesome couple

Come live with us (Fletch & Meesh) in our 3 bedroom, 2 1/2 bath condo in cozy San Marin in northern Novato, next to the Mt. Burdell preserve(trailhead 1 block away). We live in the Madera Marin townhouses next to San Marin Plaza(Harvest Market, Mary’s Pizza Shack, Subway, Starbucks, China Palace, Twister’s, etc.) and Kaiser Permanente, all of which are 1 block away. Also Meridian’ s Rolling Hills Club is only a few blocks away. Other Nearby places include a fire dept, San Marin high, San Ramon elementary, Miwok park, Stafford lake, horse stables, and a local church, etc.

The room is available now. The deposit is $1500 and rent is $700 plus your share of utilities(water every 2 months & pge every month). You get a nice room on the second floor. It has a dual sliding door full size closet, a freshly cleaned carpet, and a window with a screen and sweet view of some trees, bushes, buildings, and the street if you dig that. You get your own full bathroom with a bathtub/shower, sink, and yes, your very own toilet(oh yeah!). We also have storage cabinets outside your door for towels and whatever you don’t want in your room or under the bathroom sink. You also get a shelf in the pantry for food and kitchen stuff as well as cabinents for your dishes, cup, and pots and pans, and drawers for your silverware and cutlery. We currently have free basic cable and wireless internet. Our house is fully furnished, but you get to share our kitchen, dining room, livingroom with futon couchbed for occasional guests, 1/2 bath, deck with outdoor seating area(420 o.k. outside). We have a dishwasher, electric stove/oven, microwave, toaster, toaster oven, washer & dryer, heater, ironing board, etc. There are community tennis courts, and a small park, most important is the swimming pool which you can bring up to 4 guests at a time. There is a small parking lot(12 spaces) directly across the street that is first come first serve.

About us: we are both 29 and have been living together for a little over a year and a half, and together for just under that. We are into all kinds of music from punk to jazz and attend concerts/shows on a regular basis. We also both play musical instruments. We love movies and are addicted to netflix. We have different schedules and so we each have our own rooms. Fletch is up very late at night and usually sleeps late, where as Meesh works early and doesn’t stay up as late or have as strange of hours as Fletch(Your room would be next to Meesh’s). We love to travel and love the outdoors, though Fletch is more of a homebody and a videogaming computer tech music fiend, where as Meesh is into hiking, yoga, knitting and going to museums. We work at the Hopmonk in Sebastopol almost every Thursday night, for the “Juke Joint”, running Meesh’s vendor booth. We are both artists and are way into photography, drawing, painting, sculpture, etc. We also like to party and have a good time and listen to lound music. Hopefully you are like minded or open minded or both. We’ve also been to one to many Burningmans, I think it’s finally over after last years hydroponics advertisment flying over head on the last day. I hear they are adding a McDonald’s this year and they are giving out cyanide shakes, mmmm.

About you: your not a slob, you don’t smell, you like a clean house and don’t smoke weed inside(Meesh is allergic, plus stale weed stench sucks), you don’t leave your dirty dishes in the sink, your not a drug dealer, you don’t take or use other people’s stuff without asking, your a friendly pleasant person to be around and you like to have a good time, you have a greencard, you can pay your bills ontime without having to be asked, you don’t preach about your beliefs, you are an understanding civil intelligent down to earth being with your mind and heart in the right place, and you can take a joke and don’t get too easily offended(Fletch is politically incorrect and him and all his friends have sick and twisted senses of humor), you don’t take yourself too seriously, your not wanted in any state or country, you have common sense, hah, etc.

Alright, it’s almost 3 a.m. and I’m going to Vegas for a bachelor party in 3 hours, so I’m going to bed. If your still reading this I assume your still interested in checking the place out and meeting us, so email us and with any questions or leave a phone number for us to call you and set up a visit.

Peace Out,

Fletch & Meesh

P.S. If your still reading this even though you aren’t interested in moving in, get a life!!! Mwa Ha Ha!

My Missed Connection…(flagged on craigslist)

Homely woman on the bus – 30

I see you on the bus all the time. You remind me of a homely woman who should be baking pie or watching a hockey game. I’m not sure why, but I think I love you even though you’re much older than I am. When I see your chubby face it completely enrages me and I fantasize about what it would be like to come home from a hard day of work and to smack you. You just look so punchable and it fills me with that warm feeling that a man has for a woman after years of marriage. I think we’re meant to be, your face, my fist and of course those muffins that I know you make. It takes most relationships years to develop to the level that we’ve already achieved by just looking at each other and I can tell by how much I want to mush your cartoon like face that we are indeed soul mates. If you’re reading this, send me a message my love….

Awesome Craigslist Spam

My wife needs love
Sometimes I post weird ads on Craigslist just to see what kind of responses I get. This is my new favorite spam email.

Hi, I have seen your CL classified. My name is John and I am wondering if you wanted to having intercourse with my wife. A quick story with the situation–I was had an accident about a year ago while working so I am unable to have satisfying intercourse. I had an intimate relationship with her… but can’t anymore. She has needs and desires I just can’t do anymore. Don’t get me wrong, we still love each other, but I want her to be happy.

She’s DD free, 26 and very intimate so you can see what my problem is. Hopefully you can help us. We’re looking for a man who can come to our place (or she can come to yours) and be intimate with her on a regular basis, no strings attached. I won’t be around so it won’t be weird haha. I have attached a picture of us. We are serious and real about this. We saw your ad on the SF bay area page and we live near you.

I’ll explain more but I’m at work right now. Please ONLY if you are interested, mail me back with just a yes. Again, only if you are interested… otherwise I’d have to ask someone else. I appreciate it.

Smooth Talking

Every once in awhile I like to post a little something on Craigslist to see what kind of replies I get from the people frequent the more racy sections of the site. Here’s an unedited response to one of my ad’s which shows how horrible men really are:

Hello

I will travel to SF or in Marin – it’s only 10 minutes – door to door – to downtown SF . My Pic – on your sincere Reply – won’t disappoint: I’m a Discrete SW MAN, not a Boy.

Clean-cut “Prepster” looks – depending on my attire: Face/Clothed pic I’ll send to you – on a sincere reply – is from a Work Bio, not a Sears Catalog, lol. I will wear my “Hipster” attire and looks on our date, as I look good in jeans and a tucked-out shirt too. Or nothing, lol. I am liberated and progressive. As far as “Sexual” goes, if we click and connect – not necessarily on 1st or 2nd meeting (there is the “3 date rule” after all), I have a great view of the Bay from my Balcony – and from a new Cali King Bed – which you can see on your back, side, all 4s, or on top. Afternoon or Evening Delites – I work from home office and hae a flex schedule. 40yo with a 25 libido (you WILL say “Wow, “David” (my pseudo), You DO play/make lust like a 25yo!!”), and 35 looks. Too naughty? SWM. 6&180. Brown & Green. Smart (is) Sexy. Safe, NOT Selfish: Foreplay Galore. Well-dressed, groomed, mannered, spoken, educated, well-endowed, lo..lust. To some people in the know, “You wanna play Backgammon?”, is known to be a Code for “Let’s have sex.”

Best,

M_____, aka “David” – my pseudonym
_____ and _____
Sausalito – a Bay View and a Cozy Flat

Well ladies, if you’re looking for a “Prepster,” which I think means guy who wears girls pants and doesn’t tuck in his shirt, send “David” an email.

  • Tender Sentiments